Lost and Profound

I've been hesitating to write down my feelings regarding these last few months. Mainly because it's like unpacking something you've been trying to put away, and living through it all over again, intentionally. Although, it would happen either way so I suppose choosing to write is giving me some control over the inevitable flood of emotion. There's no feeling more terrible than grief and I've had my heart shattered on numerous occasions. I'd choose that agony over this emptiness.   The unexpectedness is, I think, the hardest pill to swallow. There's no preparation, no closure, and so many questions. There's the guilt for all the things I didn't do, didn't say, or didn't ask. Guilt clinging to the moments where I'm trying to feel normal because it isn't fair that I get to be here and he doesn't. Someone who was so Loved by so many, despite his long term struggle for balance and security. He's remembered for the way he made peopl...

My heart is still broken. I am not yet healed. I've collected most of the shattered pieces. I've been giving them away, hoping one would take root. Bloom like a flower from a seed into a new love. A new life. These shattered pieces, these seeds, are not being planted. They are not being tended because they are unwanted. The soil is not good, the climate isn't right, the water is polluted. I plant one here, I plant one there. I thought it increased my chances of growth. One plot, new soil, fresh water, and all of the seeds together. They thrive together, as a whole. Where their roots can wind into one thick, strong system, pulsing with life.

...rippling at a touch, fading and reemerging with catalyst. Chemistry has consumed me, my words feel lighter. My purpose is evolving. Of earth and of fire, calamity within the contained.... There is joy in discovering a kindred. The air holds new flavor. The earth seems less resistant. I melt, with the security to have already been formed by and of my own history. My skin is being teased, my heart is being squeezed. My body seems to have forgotten itself. Who am I within this mind, does it compare to who I will be, who I have been? Am I all of the above? I sigh inside. For all that I have been offered, for all that I have taken. For all that I will give... What luck! My pieces reassemble, after every shattering breathe, reshaping my being for another welcome attack. Who are you? WHY are you? I am being healed. I wish to heal you. To know you... Immediately detached but infinitely connected. Safe. Image Credit: Markus Reugel

I am a student of Love. I have spent everyday of my life contemplating this one complex emotion. I know more about Love and less about Love than I know about anything else. I have sought Love, found Love, lost Love, and found it again. And I'll keep doing just that. The greek language has three words to designate Love. Because Love can manifest itself in so many forms and in varying degrees of intensity and connection, the word itself is both vague and obvious. The Love that I feel for my dearest friend would best be considered Philia, or mental Love. It is give and take, a loyalty that requires equality and familiarity. This Love is also experienced between long time lovers. The Love that I feel for my partner and mate would be referred to as Eros, or physical Love. This is the Love that manifests itself in desire, in the union of two beings. Plato redefined Eros Love as more than passionate Love for the person; it is Love for the beauty within that person. A knowledge of spiri...

In the first week of my journey I experienced a very heightened emotional state. The reality of my circumstances was settling on me; my transformation had begun. I reconnected with an "old flame" and we came to terms with our roles in each others lives. Our relationship was transformed as we experienced a 'reintroduction' of a sort. It was an intensely contemplative experience, his presence in my life. And such profound timing. It also so happens that a very dear friend of mine and her beloved were experiencing severe difficulties in their union and I feel that I was in the right place at the right time to support them, as individuals and as one embodiment of Love. In conversation, my friend asked if I had ever considered myself to be an energy healer. It was not something that had ever occurred to me. Upon reflection, I realize just how many people have suggested just that, that I have helped heal them in some way. My nature alone was such a positive influence that m...

"Fire is the rapid oxidation of a material in the exothermic chemical process of combustion, releasing heat, light, and various reaction products." " Fire is one of the four classical elements in ancient Greek philosophy and science. It was commonly associated with the qualities of energy, assertiveness, and passion." "Heraclitus regarded the soul as being a mixture of fire and water, with fire being the more noble part and water the ignoble aspect. He believed the goal of the soul is to be rid of water and become pure fire: the dry soul is the best and it is worldly pleasures that make the soul "moist". - Russell Bertrand The element of fire has so many transformational properties, it is a highly symbolic of the human condition. Fire is the only transformative element; it has the power to chemically change compounds in a way that the other elements do not. I feel it is the truest element to our nature as there could be, as fire is the element exc...