Skip to main content

It's All Already Known

I'm staring at the screen like there weren't a half dozen things I wanted to write about 20 minutes ago. But I took a shower and thought all my thoughts so now they're gone. Trying to retrieve them is going to feel forced but so much of what has been on my mind lately is cyclical, so it's going to come back anyways. 

This blog is something I've absolutely failed at maintaining, largely due to indecision, and avoidance. I know that I can't write without talking about my feelings because that's quite the point of it, but my feelings are often sad and I'm VERY good at crying, so I try not to be which also means trying to avoid my feelings. Making decisions is something else I'm very good at, which I hate because I hate making decisions but it seems that many of those in my bubble are very bad at it which means I have to. I don't want to make decisions. I don't want to always have the answers, or the final say. There's no mystery in it. No peace. No going along with the flow, it's all already known. Everything is so predictable, and when it's not it's devastating. SUPER. Where's the fucking balance? 

But, hey, I finally made the decision to write again. These present thoughts feel pointless but it'll go somewhere, probably. Something needs to. I can't stay in this place I've been, in my head and my heart. This feeling that's been crushing me for months has me remembering the familiarity of pain from past struggles and traumas, things I should probably write about at some point because the truth of my experiences lives only in my mind and it's not healing me from there. 

Possible themes for future posts:
Self-worth
Narcissist's and their narratives
Aurora
Dancing
Family dynamics
Love, always Love. 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Morality is Liquid...

...rippling at a touch, fading and reemerging with catalyst. Chemistry has consumed me, my words feel lighter. My purpose is evolving. Of earth and of fire, calamity within the contained.... There is joy in discovering a kindred. The air holds new flavor. The earth seems less resistant. I melt, with the security to have already been formed by and of my own history. My skin is being teased, my heart is being squeezed. My body seems to have forgotten itself. Who am I within this mind, does it compare to who I will be, who I have been? Am I all of the above? I sigh inside. For all that I have been offered, for all that I have taken. For all that I will give... What luck! My pieces reassemble, after every shattering breathe, reshaping my being for another welcome attack. Who are you? WHY are you? I am being healed. I wish to heal you. To know you... Immediately detached but infinitely connected. Safe. Image Credit: Markus Reugel
Post a Comment
Read more

Flames of Transformation: Part 2

In the first week of my journey I experienced a very heightened emotional state. The reality of my circumstances was settling on me; my transformation had begun. I reconnected with an "old flame" and we came to terms with our roles in each others lives. Our relationship was transformed as we experienced a 'reintroduction' of a sort. It was an intensely contemplative experience, his presence in my life. And such profound timing. It also so happens that a very dear friend of mine and her beloved were experiencing severe difficulties in their union and I feel that I was in the right place at the right time to support them, as individuals and as one embodiment of Love. In conversation, my friend asked if I had ever considered myself to be an energy healer. It was not something that had ever occurred to me. Upon reflection, I realize just how many people have suggested just that, that I have helped heal them in some way. My nature alone was such a positive influence that m...
Post a Comment
Read more